i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
