i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
