oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
