WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
