I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
