found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
