ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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