If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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