I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
