my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
