White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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