i permit you to call me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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