the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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