Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
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somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
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She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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