At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
