I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
