Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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