I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
