the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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