Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
