Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
