yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
