U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
