; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
