So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
