I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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