yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
smell my finger.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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