What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
