so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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