On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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