Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
