Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
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