Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
