The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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