you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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