it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
