If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
