Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
