I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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