ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
