I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
