Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
