Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
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I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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