So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
