If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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