no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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