I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hippo gnu deer
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
