wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
