I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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