..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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