i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
