I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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