Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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