We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
