About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
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So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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