they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
