I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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