i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
