My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
