I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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