My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
