...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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