So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
