hell yes lets make some ravioli
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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