Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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