I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
