I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
