I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize