4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
