when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
