Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This baby is an asshole
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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