How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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