pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I FOUND THE LEGS
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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