I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
