why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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