The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
