Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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