It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
