I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
