A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
