I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
