why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
