you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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