She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
