At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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