I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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