Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
