Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
