the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I forget how to act sober
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